Thursday, 27 January 2011

New team member

May I introduce you to my new team member: Mashimaro.

I bought him today. The reason? I need a physical reminder of my goals (learning fluent japanese and living in Japan for at least a year) and an ally battling Elliot (my dragon) and his stupid ideas (like not reading the assigned reading for my first masters classes).
I know, I know: Mashimaro is a korean rabbit, but this is good too, because during my masters class that goes along with my new job we will take a trip to China or Brazil. I'll take the China trip and then visit South Korea and Japan. Mashimaro is a good reminder for this goal too. And for starting with a Japanese class in Autumn. Besides that, Mashimaro is just really cute. From what I've read it is a really cool and cheeky rabbit, so he's just perfect to battle Elliott and his anxiety, complexes and procrastination issues.
Before you think I'm totally crazy, it's these little mind games that keep me moving forward. And yes, I know that Elliott and Mashimaro aren't real, they are just psychological tricks I use to accomplish my goals.

Yesterday was an odd day for me, I had another row (in lack of a better word) with my mom and then sank into a really bad mood, mulling things over until they looked bleak and horrible (moving into a dormitory in Stuttgart at my age and the major hook of the job, not the dormitory LoL). Thanks to that I did get only 2 hours of sleep last "night" from 6AM to 8AM.
Luckily, I've changed my thought patterns
enough already to get back in positive territory by 3:30 AM. I realized a few thought and behaviour patterns and took some action to break them, like throwing away all advertising pens (I don't need them and I sure as hell don't want to move them to Stuttgart). Cleaning up at 4:30AM might be a bit weird, but it felt good and got me grounded.

So, one of the decisions I made is that I'll reduce the contact to my mom to the absolute necessary minimum. It's sad to do this, but necessary for me since she doesn't accept the boundaries I set and draws me down into negativity. I'm over 30 and capable of doing things on my own. She seriously questioned my ability to finish this master course successfully. Gee, thanks Mom, just what I needed when I start out. And that is exactly the reason for getting Mashimaro today and going to Starbucks, it's become my haven of sanity. Mashimoro will fight with me to get back to my real personality and get rid of the timid person my mom and former teachers/friends/colleagues made me. I'm different than the average woman and I'm proud to be different. (Never guessed that, huh? LoL)

I'm not sure if I have what it takes to be best of my class, but I'll strive for it. This is a first in my life, until now I never thought I'd be good enough or that it would mean something for me if I put in some effort and accomplished something. Now I know that it is definitely worth to put in the effort and strive for being the best. Even if I fail in this attempt, I will inevitably end up higher as when I put in no effort. And it will definitely pay off. Maybe not in money, maybe not in the near future, but it will pay off eventually.

Do you have allies in your battles? Even if they are only represented by a stuffed animal?!

Oh yeah, nearly forgot. Only 300 grams to go to my January weight goal. Might be that I reach it tomorrow. Wohoo.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD!! If you need it, find yourself some allies.
...and stuffed anime charakters are just fine for this. (But remember: only talk to them in privacy! ;-)

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